The Mirror in Shadow Work

Ever wonder why certain kinds of people and situations keep showing up your life over and over again? Here's one explanation.

In between bouts of cold and cough over the last few weeks, I've been immersing myself in "shadow work." Last month I saw the movie "The Shadow Effect" and since then I have been reading Debbie Ford's book The Dark Side of the Light Chasers and beginning to claim or own parts of myself that I have covered up or projected onto others over the years.

Debbie Ford says in her book, "People mirror back to us what is within us because subconsciously we are calling it forth from them...The miracle occurs when you truly own and embrace and aspect of yourself. At that point, the person who is serving as your mirror will either stop acting out the behavior, or you will become able to choose not to have this person in your life. When you unplug, you no longer need another person to mirror your shadow back to you."

If we haven't dealt with some aspect of ourselves, we will keep drawing to us people or circumstances to reflect back that part of ourselves, so we can embrace it and become whole. Once we do, we don't need that mirror anymore.

I have seen this in my own life as I look back on the kinds of people I've attracted into my life; they've always demonstrated those qualities I needed to own or embrace in myself at the time—either dark or light parts of myself. And the ones who are currently in my life act out those traits that I haven't yet embraced in myself.

Play Time: I invite you to consider how the people you have currently attracted into your life may be mirroring back to you aspects of yourself that you're not fully owning. Hint: look for the things you really LOVE and the things you really HATE about the people in your life. How are the traits you notice in others also a part of you?

Bonus: Check out Reverend Frankie's blog post on this topic, "Loving My Shadow"

F.E.A.R.= (not what you think! read on....)

I just watched a great little video by Neale Donald Walsh on fear and heard an acronym I hadn't heard before...F.E.A.R.="Feeling Excited And Ready!" (I had heard of the more popular "False Evidence Appearing Real)

Wow! What an inspiring way to look at fear! In one of my previous blog posts, "Fear or Excitement: The Choice Is Yours," I talked about how fear and excitement are just really two sides of the same coin, two aspects of the same energy. This acronym really sums it up!

What many people don't realize is that when we feel fear, it usually means there is something really big and juicy right around the corner. If we look back over our lives, we can see where a major shift for the better occurred in our lives shortly after a period of doubt, frustration, and worry. How many times have we experienced "miracles" after a "dark night of the soul?" Is this mere coincidence—OR did the fear and doubt pave the way for something better to come in?

There is a saying, "When it gets dark enough you can see the stars." There is indeed something very exciting, very powerful, about the light that comes after the darkness—like a morning sunrise, offering a new day of new possibilities. In this morning light, anything can happen.

Play Time: What are you currently afraid of? Now, what is the flip side—what is exciting to you about that same topic or issue? What would it take for you to feel "excited and ready" to take action toward what you want? Are you willing to try on that excitement NOW?

Commitment is the Key!

A few days ago someone reminded me that we had only 100 days left of 2009. Inspired, I set my priorities for the rest of the year and promptly posted them on my Facebook account. Why? To make them visible, to be accountable, to really commit to them.

What happened? Already in the few days since I posted them, I checked out a new gym (will be joining today), set a new deadline to finish the editing of my first book, and got a potential new freelance job offer. It's almost as if the simple act of writing them down and making them public gives them an energy, a life of their own, wings for those dreams to take off and fly.

Here are two quotes from Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way that I love on this topic of commitment and how the Universe responds to it:

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way."

—Scottish explorer W.H. Murray

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."

—German philosopher Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The lesson here? "Leap, and the net will appear," as J.C. also says. Really commit to your visions and just watch and see what happens. Look for synchronicities, new opportunities, doors and windows just flying open. And fasten your seatbelt, because you're in for the adventure of your life....

Play Time:
What dreams or goals are you committing to today? If the "C" word scares you, begin by committing to just one thing in one area of your life. Success breeds success, so start small and branch out from there! (and remember to pay attention to what happens in your world when you do!)

What Do You Choose?

Do you ever get hit with the "power of three?" Here's what just happened to me:

1) Yesterday I was hosting the monthly Open Mic at Java Cat, and along with reading some of my own poetry, I read a few others, including an anonymous 19^th century Chippewa poem, translated by Robert Bly, which goes like this:

Sometimes I go about pitying myself
And all the while
I am being carried by great winds across the sky

2) Today a friend posted the following video on the "power of choice"--http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9T_ZDUOOTnc&feature=player_embedded#t=67

3) Finally, I read a friend's blog post tonight which was about how he has a choice in whether or not to identify himself with his habits and circumstances.

Well, after the THIRD message about choice, I decided that that was to be the topic of today's blog!

The poem, the video, and my friend's blog all reminded me that there is always a choice about what we focus on. There is always more than enough anger, sadness, frustration, jealousy, stress, hopelessness, and despair in our lives and in the world that we can choose to focus on.

However, there is ALSO more than enough happiness, joy, simplicity, love, support, friendship, nature, and abundance everywhere we look, if only we choose to focus on it.

This is not of course to say we should happy all the time. There are definitely times to be otherwise and we should honor them. The key is: we can be aware that we have a choice in what what we're focusing on.

Play Time:
So today I invite you to consider: What are you choosing to focus on in your life right now? Is your glass half-empty or half-full?

The Gold Within

Tonight I saw the new documentary film, "The Shadow Effect." In it, Debbie Ford and a host of other well known teachers and healers discuss the importance of reclaiming and healing our "shadow selves"--those parts of ourselves (good or bad) that we hide from other or even from ourselves.

One story in particular that stood out in my mind was the story of the Golden Buddha. In 1957, a group of Tibetan monks were given the responsibility of moving a large clay Buddha statue because a highway was being built in that area. During the night before it was to be moved, the head monk came to check on the statue, found a large crack in it, and to his surprise, discovered something glittering in the crack. He was so excited he went back to tell his fellow monks. And sure enough, as he and the other chiseled away at the statue, they found under the clay exterior a Buddha statue of pure gold. The Golden Buddha was apparently the responsibility of a group of monks centuries earlier, who hid the Golden Buddha under clay to protect it from an attacking Burmese army. The Buddha was protected but all the monks died in the attack. The statue was only re-discovered in 1957.

The story really hit home. Each of us has gold inside of us that is covered by layers of clay—all the conditioning and messages we received over the years that make us forget our gifts, that special uniqueness we each bring to the world.

Play Time: Today I invite you to consider what gold is still as of yet hidden in you—what unexplored, unrealized potential for greatness, accomplishment, joy, and fulfillment? And what steps can you take to chisel away at those layers of clay so that your true brilliance can emerge and be shared with the world?

To your magnificence!

Jealous or Zealous?

I've been thinking a lot about jealousy lately. So I did what I usually do when I'm fascinated with something: I looked it up in the dictionary. Well, I was surprised to find out that the origins of the word "jealous" actually trace back to the word “zeal.”

What is “zeal?” It’s “fervor for a person, cause, or object; eager desire or endeavor; enthusiastic diligence; ardor;” it’s “intensity, passion, enthusiasm,” and the like.

It got me thinking: What if instead of getting “jealous,” we got “zealous?” What if when we saw something we wanted in someone else, we got passionate about cultivating that in our own lives? What IF we could see jealousy not as an enemy but as a great friend who can help us be, do, and have more of what we want in life?

Over the years, I’ve come across a few sayings about jealousy. One is “Compare and despair” and another is “No use comparing your insides to someone else’s outsides.” Do we really know what’s happening on the inside of that person we’re jealous of? If you knew everything about that person, would you still want what they have?

Let’s remember that it’s an abundant universe and there’s plenty for ALL of us. As Ernest Holmes, the founder of Science of Mind, put it, “Since no two persons are alike there must be a unique place for you in the scheme of things. The Divine Pattern would be imperfect without you.”

Play Time: So today, I dare you to not compare yourself to anyone else, but to be zealously yourself, to love and embrace the unique gifts and talents you bring to the world, to honor your piece of the puzzle of life. What are some ways YOU uniquely contribute to the world around you? I’d love to hear!

What Does It Take To Be a Winner?

Last night I saw the movie "Julie & Julia" and was inspired by the story of a woman who set (and attained) a seemingly impossible goal for herself: to cook 524 recipes from Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking in 365 days.

It made me think about how it's our human nature to love seeing people accomplish amazing feats--completing marathons or triathlons, finishing Iron Man competitions, winning Olympic gold. What is it that fascinates us so about performing such feats? What is it about the sheer determination of accomplishing a goal that seems "out of our reach" that keeps us on the edge of our seats?

Here are some of my reflections about what it takes to be a real "winner" in life--someone who sets big goals in life and follows through and accomplishes them (and inspires others along the way):

1) FOCUS: In a increasingly ADD world, in which life seems to be ever full of distractions, that kind of one-pointedness, single-mindedness, and focus seems to be rarer and rarer. It's all too easy to get caught up in whatever comes up in the moment.

2) COURAGE: To say that this is my goal and I am going to do "whatever it takes" to reach it, even if that means potentially sacrificing my relationships, health, and sanity takes a kind of courage, strength, and chutzpah that characterizes most winners in any field.

3) DISCIPLINE: For many people, to do ANY one thing every day, without fail, seems unattainable. Doing so develops what I like to call "spiritual muscle," and it makes you strong from the inside out. (note: once you're able to do it in one area, that "muscle" translates into other areas of your life)

4) FAITH: To undertake, and complete, major life projects takes a certain amount of belief--in yourself, in your goal, in the Universe. There has to be a part of you that knows you will be successful in reaching your goal, that knows you can do it and that you will do it, and that knows it will all be worth it when you are done.

5) PASSION: Nothing of any monumental importance can be accomplished without a great love for what you are doing. You have to have a feeling of fun, energy, and excitement, Your goal has to make you come alive; otherwise it will not sustain you over the long haul. Winners often have a sense of purpose about what they are doing, a feeling of calling or mission about their work. This is what fuels them and keeps them going when the going gets tough.

Remember, just because there are "winners" doesn't mean there have to be "losers." In the new human paradigm we are creating and moving toward, we can ALL be winners, helping each other live into and up to our greatest visions for ourselves and our lives.

Play Time: What do YOU think it takes to be a "winner" in life? What are some ways that you are a winner in your own life? What are some goals or dreams you are working on? What is your greatest vision for yourself and your family? Please leave a comment, as I would love to hear your reflections on this topic!

It's Not How You Start...It's How You Finish!

You've no doubt heard this saying...Well I am a BIG believer in "finishing strong."

A few months ago when I ran the Madison Half-Marathon (13.1 miles), I remember how my mind and body seemed to turn into pure steel in the very last leg of the race, the last mile or so. I basically "sprinted" to the finish line. My body, mind and soul were focused exclusively on crossing that line. It was like in that moment nothing else existed, nor anyone else--it was just me and that line.

Today I turned in my first completed draft of a book I've been writing on forgiveness since January of this year. I had wanted to publish it by the fall and so two weeks ago I set myself a personal deadline to have it done by now. Much like I did in the half marathon, I was steadily plugging away at it over the months, but in the last week, in the last few days, I found myself calling up all of the reserves within me and again "sprinting" to the finish line. And that is exactly how it felt--physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

There was that same sense of focus, determination, sheer power of will to finish it--and finish it strong. In that moment, there's not even a conscious feeling of "I can do it, I can do it." Rather, no words exist at this time--there is just pure feeling, pure being, and the totality of your being at that, for it takes all of you to make it happen. But you don't think about it, you just get "in the zone" and get it done. When you're in that "zone," the "work" almost seems to get done by itself.

I love how that experience of "crossing the finish line" can be a metaphor for other areas of life, like finishing my book. I once heard in a personal growth seminar, "how you do anything is how you do everything." And I am definitely one who likes to finish strong, in as many areas as I can. It's one thing to have ideas--I've definitely had my share of those--but quite another to actually PUT those ideas into ACTION, so that the seeds you planted and nurtured blossom into beautifully full ripe flowers for all to enjoy....Remember: it's not what happens to you in life that matters; it's what you do with what happens to you.

Play Time:
1) Can you think of an example of how the feeling or experience of a pivotal moment in your life (i.e. finishing a race, the birth of a child, a graduation, a wedding, travel to an exotic place, etc.) carries over into other areas of your life? What was the lesson you learned or the quality or trait you exhibited?

2) Do you have some dreams that would still like to see the light of day? (come on, we all do...) Pick one and see if there is one small action you can take today to move in the direction of that dream or goal.

And please leave a comment! I'd love to hear about what dreams you're working on bringing to your own personal finish line!

Remember: Finish Strong!

The New Economy: A Spiritual Perspective

Recently someone asked me my take on what's going on in the economy and our society right now. I was grateful for the question because my perspective is not one that I often feel comfortable sharing because most people are still so stuck in fear that they're not able to hear a "higher" perspective on what's going on. But nevertheless, I offer my point of view in this blog, for those who might be interested.

Over the last year in particular, we have seen a lot of our old structures collapsing--banks and financial institutions, major companies and corporations, etc...Everywhere you look people have been losing their money in stocks, their homes, their jobs, etc. But in the process, many people have realized what's really important to them, what really gives their lives meaning--and it's usually not of the material variety. It's those "intangibles"--family and friends, hobbies and health, creativity and spirituality, and so on.

What's happening right now is like our old house has burned to the ground and we're in the planning phase, deciding what we want the NEW one to look like. There are many people actively engaged in envisioning this new world.

How will it be different than the old one? It will be less about profit, more about heart, less about material possessions, more about connections with others. In some ways, we will be returning to the "old ways," the way we used to live, closer to our neighbors, closer to nature, closer to the Divine, and in another way, it will be something entirely new altogether, based on the lessons we have learned in recent history about what we want and don't want and what works and doesn't work.

Most of know on some level that we can’t go back to the old way of doing things, because it's been, literally, killing us and all forms of life around us on this beautiful planet of ours. And yet still we long for the “comfort” in the old way's familiarity. Like in the movie, The Matrix, we can’t take the blue pill after we've already taken the red pill. We can only move forwards, not backwards. As a species, we are in the process of creating a new world together, and WE are deciding what we WANT in it….

So overall, yes there are a lot of changes and ups and downs in our economy, but overall, from the bigger picture of things, I think we are living in an exciting time filled with lots of opportunity to be creative and to manifest what we want in this new world….

What are YOU intentioning for our new world today?

The Poison Becomes the Medicine

One of my favorite quotes is "What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." There are many variations to this idea: "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade," "Every cloud has a silver lining," and so on. But the one I'd like to discuss today is "The Poison Becomes the Medicine." What do I mean by that?

Many times it is the "awful" things that happen to us in our lives, the trauma suffered, the "poison" ingested, that help us discover our greatest gifts, the healing "medicine" that we can then use to help others. For when we go deeply into our pain and uncover the corresponding lesson of that pain, we can use our experience to relate to others going through similar situations. In some homeopathic remedies, in fact, the poisonous substance itself is diluted into a remedy for the condition caused by that original substance!

For myself, the "poison" I ingested early on was a message that I could not fully express myself and my creativity. My suffering around this led me to study The Artist's Way and other tools for unblocking creativity and eventually to a career helping others fully express themselves in the world. It was only because I had gone through that experience myself that I could then help others in a similar situation. In effect, my "poison" became my "medicine." My greatest trauma became a gift that I could offer others.

How many people go into a certain line of work because of a personal story or traumatic experience, because they want to help others "get to the other side" of what they or someone they knew went through?

It is said that we are never given more than we can handle. I would go one step farther and say whatever we are given in life, all of our experiences, ARE the riches we can use to help others. Every "curse" is actually a "blessing," if only we can figure out how to transform it into something useful for the world. There are numerous ways to do this and an abundance of help is available.

Play Time: I invite you to consider how YOU have transformed any "poison" in your life into a "healing medicine" for others? If you cannot think of an example, take a look at some current "poison" in your life and ask yourself if there is some healing lesson that, once you are completely through it, you could then share with others in a similar situation?

Remember, it's ALL useful--ALL of it! What riches and gifts can you find in your life experience today?

What is Conscious Co-Creation?

We are always creating, whether we think we are or not. We are not always aware of what we are creating, or even that we are creating. So the question really is: what are we creating and are we conscious of what we are creating?

How many people do you know who focus on what they don't want and then wonder why they always get it? Wouldn't it be better to focus on what we do want? If we realize that we're always creating, then we can consciously create a life we want, not one we don't want.

So what is "conscious co-creation" anyway? Here are a few definitions I like:
"conscious"=aware of one's thoughts, feelings, etc; knowing oneself
"creation" =the act of producing or causing something to exist; the act of creating
"co" =together; jointly; mutually

Conscious co-creation then, is the process of being aware of who one is and what one is creating in the world, and taking steps toward that, together with that source of all creative energy (call it what you will). In short:

"conscious co-creation"=awareness+action+working with Universal Flow.

But what if you think you don't create because you're not "creative"? Here again, a definition: "creative"=having the ability or power to create or cause to come into being. We all do that, right? In this sense, we are the co-creators of everything in our lives. We don't just create paintings or books or songs or sculptures...we also create relationships, family, work, hobbies, etc. In effect, we create everything we see in our world.

Play Time: I invite you to contemplate: What is it that you are creating in your life and how conscious are you of that process? Can you bring more awareness to that act? If you're not sure, what's one thing you would like to have, do, or be more of in your life? What's one way you can begin to create that for yourself today? Please leave a comment; I'd love to hear what you're creating!

Remember, you're always creating...So what are you choosing to create today?

Fear or Excitement? The Choice is Yours

One of the best things I've read about fear is the following (from an article by Vered Neta entitled "Manifesting: Create Your Own Reality" from Natural Communities Magazine):

"Fear is the same energy as excitement. If you lean away from something, you get fear. If you lean toward it, you get excitement."

I have this article posted by my desk and look at it often, to remind myself and my coaching clients of this principle: that fear and excitement are really two sides of the same coin. Which one you're feeling at any given time depends on where you're putting your attention.

If you're feeling the fear, chances are you're focusing on the painful, scary aspects of doing that thing or taking that action. However, because it is really all the same energy--the energy of change and transformation--all you need to do to shift things is to turn your gaze toward the positive aspects of taking that action.

In doing so, you change the dynamics of the whole situation, and you move from Fear to Fun. And honestly, which one you would rather spend most of your time in?

SO! Wanna start having more FUN in your life right NOW? Here's one way to "play" with this principle and learn to work with the energy of transformation....

Play Time: The next time you feel afraid about something, whether big or small, ask yourself if there is ONE positive outcome, any potential benefit or good that could come from the situation, and then shift your attention to that outcome. Start to feel the energy of that outcome and see if you can let yourself get excited about it manifesting. It could be increased confidence from public speaking, a new relationship from asking someone out on a date, etc. Even if you feel silly at first, just play with it, and have fun! And leave me a comment; I'd love to hear how it goes!

Remember, it's all the same energy...So which do you choose today?

Birthing My Blog!

Howdy folks!

I finally DID it! I started a blog! It's amazing to me that I didn't start one till now, since I am a writer and all! But anyway, here it is: an opportunity for me to express myself in words and for YOU to enjoy that self-expression!

Because that is what my life--and Tribal Visions Studio--is all about after all. Self-expression. Helping People Birth Their Visions into the World. A writer, artist, and actor myself, I facilitate this work of "spiritual midwifery" through one-on-one creativity coaching, classes on The Artist's Way, and most recently, my upcoming 9-month tele-course, "Spiritual Birthing" A Course in Manifesting Your Creative Dreams." (see my website for more info about that or to sign up!)

So today I ask you: What is in YOU wanting to be born?? What creative ideas, dreams, longings, aspirations about ANY area of your life are ready to see the light of day? And how can I help support you in that journey of discovery and self-expression?

I look forward to sharing my inspiring thoughts on living a creative life and to hearing your wonderful comments! I really appreciate your feedback!

To your blossoming,

Tara